Ten Reasons to Disqualify All Women Candidates for the Assembly of Experts

Political satire by Ebrahim Nabavi

All 16 women who applied to stand as candidates in the elections for the Assembly of Experts, the body of clerics that advises and selects the supreme leader in Iran, have been disqualified. Some have wondered why they were all rejected. Here are ten reasons:

One: Candidates for the Assembly of Experts should take a test. Women are not qualified to take tests. Sixty percent of those who passed the national university entrance exam in Iran were women and eight of the15 highest grades were achieved by women. Still, we can conclude that women have difficulty taking tests.

Two: “Men reach heaven from women’s bosom,” Imam Khomeini once said. On their way to heaven, men might become members of the Assembly of Experts. If women become members of the Assembly then they might not have the time to send men to heaven. Therefore, it’s best to reject their qualification.

Three: Since the Assembly of Experts is a political institution and politics is a masculine activity, women’s participation in politics gets reduced to standing in front of bullets or becoming a mother of a martyred child. Therefore, women should not be allowed in the Assembly of Experts or else there would be no one left to stand in front of bullets.

Four: In the words of Ayatollah Khamenei, “Women have been the main pillars in the victory and durability of the Revolution.” Therefore, we can conclude that there is no need for women to become members of the Assembly of Experts, until the next revolution.

Five: According to Ayatollah Mesbah Yazdi, “God took away heavy jobs from women because of the physical differences between men and women.” Members of the Assembly of Experts have very heavy responsibilities such as meeting once a month to take a nap and then decide that the sitting supreme leader is just fine.

Six: Women cannot be judges, become president, travel independently, go to a sports event in a stadium, bicycle in public, or perform in concerts. Why would they think they could be members of the Assembly of Experts?

Seven: “Women stand firm as mountains as symbols of patience and resistance,” Ayatollah Khamenei has said. If women come down from the mountain and enter the Assembly of Experts, who will be symbols of patience and resistance?

Eight: To become a candidate you need to get engaged. But women already have enough spouses. Men, on the other hand, might need more spouses. Therefore, there’s no problem in men getting engaged. 

Nine: The qualifications of 16 women were rejected because only 16 women applied to become candidates. Otherwise, the Council of Guardians would have been more than happy to reject 160 of these applicants. 

Ten: The most important reason for the disqualifications was that women are not men.