Iran Elections: The Ten Commandments

Political satire by Ebrahim Nabavi

“My opponents should definitely vote in the elections, but there’s no need for them to become candidates,” said Ayatollah Ali Khamenei ahead of the Islamic Republic’s upcoming parliamentary elections. Following are the Supreme Leader’s Ten Commandments for successful elections in Iran:

ONE: Thou shalt freely participate in the elections by voting for my candidates.

TWO: My supporters should participate in the elections and vote for anyone they choose. My opponents should also participate in the elections by voting for my supporters.

THREE: Thou shalt only cast the votes that will be counted by the Guardian Council.

FOUR: Thou shalt prevent cheating in the elections by voting for my candidates.

FIVE: Thou shalt not worry about the election results.

SIX: Everyone has the right to become a candidate in the elections except for those the people would elect.

SEVEN: Campaigning by my opponents during the elections is only prohibited before the elections.

EIGHT: Everyone has the right to vote for the female candidates I would vote for.

NINE: Thou has the right to vote for anyone thou likes just like the Guardian Council has the right to discount thy vote.

TEN: Thou should vote for younger candidates. I hereby declare all my opponents ten years older and all my supporters thirty years younger.